Out of the Mouths...

• 03/09/2014: P: What does "Janhined" mean? Me: Um...I don't know. Where did you hear it? Can you think of a sentence with it in? P: Yes, "Mum, what does janhined mean?". That's a sentence with it in.
• 24/08/2014: R wants to know why all the ladies only have one leg. Took me a while to realise he's talking about the symbol he sees on toilet doors.
• 19/07/2014: P and R watched Star Wars for the first time this afternoon. Mr Skywalker may be about the most well-known Luke ever (with the possible exception, in certain circles, of the evangelist), but both children appear to be convinced he's called Charlie.
• 17/07.2014: Competitive compliments from my boys at breakfast: R: I like your earrings, mummy. The blue matches your shirt. P: Yes, and the red matches your jumper. R: And the dark bit is like your hair. P: Yes, and...and you've got dry skin on your elbow which matches the white bit. 
• 20/04/2014: Apparently R has been under the impression that the moon is covered in graters.
• 30/03/2014: At Christmas Thia Olga bought the boys a little housey thing for creepy-crawlies to live in in the garden. By analogy with "wormery" the boys have christened it the "Buggery".
• 19/01/2014: P tells me daddy let him watch a wildlife programme. It was about "meringue-utans" apparently.
• 5/12/2013: P's question for the day: what's so short about shortbread, and is a baguette the opposite?
• 28/11/2013: Resorted to buying Sainsbury's basics honey, since we get through it so quickly. R is not impressed: "Mummy, I think this honey was made by wasps!".
• 26/11/2013: One of R's 3 year old nursery friends told him that lightning is a current going between the ground and the clouds (he does go to the nursery attached to an international physics laboratory). R seemed remarkably impressed by this. Pretty sure that's because he was picturing a currant going between the earth and the clouds.
• 25/11/2013: Asked C to get me a packet of mince while he was out and was surprised when P demanded one too. Apparently he has been eating mince with Yiayia when she collects him from school on Thursdays. He really likes mince now. Especially the ones with the hole.
• 20/11/2013: R informs us he would like an armchair for Christmas. But he doesn't want us to cut his arms off to make it - we should use someone else's arms. ?!
• 22/09/2013: At breakfast R informed us sagely: "Bees make honey. They make it for the little baby bees. But people go and steal the honey and put it in jars and then they just have to buzz off".
• 14/09/2013: R's new verb of the week: To windscripe: to clear rain, etc., from the windscreen of a vehicle by means of the windscreen wipers.
• 31/07/2013: R: There the postman. Why he's looking at the letters? Me: He's reading the address to find out which house to take them to. R: He's not got a dress, silly. He's got trousers!
• 02/07/2013: R informs us Nana shouldn't live in Manchester: she should live in Ladychester.
• 16/04/2013: This morning at breakfast P asked us "What is God?", but by the time I'd formulated some sort of answer he'd been distracted by a piece of dried jelly stuck to the tablecloth and lost interest. If only all theological questions were so easily dealt with.
• 03/04/2013: P just came to complain to me that nothing special happened in today's episode of Something Special.
• 13/02/2013: Tonight's bedtime-delaying 20 questions will be on the subject of anatomy: - Mummy's knee. - Yes, mummy has knees. - Robert have knees? - Yes, Robert has knees. - Daddy have knees? - Yes, Daddy has knees. - Peter have knees? - Yes, Peter has knees too! - Man have knees? - Yes, the man [who did the radiators] has knees!! - Nother man have knees? - Everyone has knees, Robert. Go to sleep!..... - Snowman have knees? - OK smartarse. Snowmen don't have knees. GO TO SLEEP!!!
• 17/12/2012: P has clearly spent some time pondering the question, if you get a lump of coal from Santa if you're bad, what do you get if you are really, really bad. Do you get two lumps of coal? Finally he has come to the conclusion, no, if you are really, really bad you must get something worse than coal i.e. a lump of poo! Now busy disseminating this finding to his friends at nursery. :os
• 12/07/2012: Found P rubbing his legs with a scented candle and claiming he's waxing them because it will make him go faster.
• 19/06/2012: Trying to convince P that I did not say that mozzarella cheese was made from Gruffalo milk.
• 31/03/2012: P, breaking wind loudly at the dinner table, assures us it's just his strimmer starting up. *!?*
• 23/02/2012: C [to P who has wandered into the kitchen with a cloth draped over one arm]: "Are you going to be a waiter?". P [going back out of the kitchen]: "Yes, I'll wait over here". 
• 30/08/2011: Having trouble convincing P that the pink thing underneath his toy cow is an udder and not a small pig that has unaccountably become stuck.
• 13/08/2011: Suspect P will never be a great composer, at least if his early compositions, "The spitting song", "The spitting and banging song", and the haunting lament "My done a big wee/poo" are anything to go on.
• 31/05/2011: Wish P would either learn to pronounce 'l' in initial consonant clusters, or else stop regaling strangers with tales of his daddy's great big clock that doesn't work very well any more.
• 10/04/2011: Have just been assured that mummy owl feeds her baby owls on chocolate buttons (with the subtext, I suspect, that other people should do the same).
• 19/02/2011: P now identifies the sausage-ina-bun in his picture book as a " 'ot-woof".